On Monday June 21st, Gen Kelsang Mondrub, Resident Teacher of the Kadampa Meditation Center in Atlanta, Georgia, came to Crestwood Yoga & Massage to speak about "Liberating Relationships."
Gen Mondrub's teacher, Ven. Geshe Kelsang Gyatso, has written many Dharma books and Gen Mondrub spoke from Transform Your Life & Eight Steps to Happiness about relationships & love.
Here are some of the things that stood out to me:
Real, authentic LOVE never causes pain or suffering. It is our attachment to things/people/circumstances that we THINK bring us happiness that actually causes pain & suffering because we have focused on the object/person's positive qualities and bought into the illusion that only those good qualities exist and that those qualities have the ability to make me happy or sad when they are no longer around.
Love is also not about me (self-cherishing love) but about serving other's through affectionate love, cherishing love, & wishing love. It is through focusing my love and attention onto others that I begin to feel and experience love within, eventually realizing that I AM that love and that love comes from WITHIN me and I can NEVER be separated from love, peace, & happiness, intrinsically. It is those false beliefs (attachments/aversions) mentioned above and excess focus on self-cherishing brought about from my mind that cause me stress, not love itself.
On the other hand though, love does not mean neglecting myself or allowing others to abuse and mistreat me. Sometimes the most loving thing I can do is separate myself from another so that they don't create more negative karma and may actually learn a new skill or release an old pattern through my boundary setting.
Loving the challenging people in our life came up and Gen Mondrub's response was gentle and loving. He pointed out how hard it is to love those people who anger, hurt, abuse, neglect, etc. us but how much they in fact need our love. When we allow those negative feelings and memories to consume us, we push those people/situations/institutions out of our heart when what we actually need to do is bring them into our hearts, bestowing loving kindness and compassion towards them. Often those that hurt or anger us the most are the ones in the most pain and are really looking, asking, grasping for love yet don't know how to ask for it.
Who needs your love today? Can you find a way to bring even part of them into your heart?
First, find your breath, your body, your heart. Second, call to mind something/someone that helps you access your loving, peaceful heart. Third, from that soft space, invite in those guests, even the ones who tear through your home leaving destruction and devastation. As Rumi says, maybe they are cleaning you out for something wonderful and beautiful to arrive next.
Namaste,
Lyndsey
